First of all, because I simply enjoy the art of this particular transformation immensely and like to experience things and gather experiences that usually remain closed to men. It is the fun of the travesty, but without standing on a real stage, but to participate in the ordinary life. One can read that I am neither gay nor transsexual and that the opposite sex transformation has no sexual motivation for me.
It's not just about wearing feminine clothes and feeling incredibly feminine, that would be more of a fetish. Rather, I want to copy the women as realistically as possible, both in style and in class.
Although I have to admit that I find myself wearing feminine clothing much more attractive and wearing this wonderfully pleasant and beautiful clothes, of course, gives me a good feeling. Otherwise, I would hardly give in to this passion. Rather, I assume that this feeling does not differ from the feeling of a real woman when she puts on something pretty and gets dressed accordingly. Since I'm not a woman, I can only accept that.
Have you ever noticed that women are allowed to do everything and men do not? Me already. In the meantime, it is no longer offensive when, for example, women walk around in men's clothing or work in typical male professions. But the opposite is true. I've always been a rebel and keeping my mind on nonsensical, unfair or unfair rules has never been my thing. On the contrary, crossing borders, be it jumping out of an airplane at 3,500 meters or breaking the social and social gender barrier, is part of my character. I have a little self-irony, I do not take myself too seriously and so I can laugh with and about my inner wife.
For me the whole women's stuff is simply more interesting, many times way more varied and above all, much prettier than the eternally same, less spectacular men's stuff. When I transform myself, change my perspective and immerse myself in this strange, exciting female world, usually completely incomprehensible to men, then a gate opens up for me that lets completely new impressions into my soul, from a world close to itself many other men do not trust so as not to be considered to be a wimp or fagot. Because I find it fascinating as a "woman" and I like to experience what men otherwise remain closed. Of course, I can not understand the world of women completely, because I'm just not a woman. However, compared to other men, I can understand women much better now.
Actually, I live a completely normal, ordinary and stressful male life. Switching to the feminine side, which is full of secrets, is, however, a kind of vacation for my soul. Who does not want to be a completely different person? It is a possibility that I have found for me to escape my everyday life and experience an unusual, wonderful, relaxing and exciting time. Maybe it's also related to not having to be a man. The time I spend in the gentle, feminine world helps me to cope with my stress, to be a happier and more balanced person. When I am sad, my inner wife helps me to laugh again, to be happy and to forget about my worries for a short time.
If I can not experience this mysterious inner woman from time to time, then I am not feeling well as time progresses. Then I get in a bad mood, get angry, aggressive, impatient, sad and depressed. In other words, a pretty unappealing guy. On the other hand, after each transformation, I am a much more balanced, patient, calmer, more pleasant, kinder, and happier person.
The time that I am allowed to spend in the role of a woman causes me a mental balance, which leads to inner satisfaction and is extremely relaxing. This feeling, which acts like a drug on me, brings me over and over again to play this largely socially illegal game. For which reason that is so, I can not say and it cannot be described more precisely. Other sufferers probably know exactly what I'm writing here.
Of course, out of fear and shame, I tried to get away from myself and especially the other people out there. Although I fought with all my power against this sweet desire, this seductive and convincing inner woman has won over and over again and at the same time made my life hell. For fear of being laughed at by other people and hurt in my human dignity, but also for fear of what others think of my lifestyle, I too, like so many, tried again and again, in vain and desperate, to do this forbidden, unmanly play to end. In order to fit into the social norm, I wanted to restrict my freedom. You will not let go of the ghosts once they have enchanted you!
On the one hand, there was and is a little spectacular and ordinary male life, as society expects me to do. The price of such a normal, ordinary and inconspicuous life is that I am unhappy and most likely will also get depression. And there is this unusual passion of a special (positive) craze, with which I can lead a happy and balanced life.
In the meantime, I have understood that my "being a wife", or rather my alter ego, is part of my personality that makes me human. This "inner woman" that captivates me from time to time is an incredibly great and positive personality enhancement and enrichment for me. My alter ego "Annica" is a part of my soul, from which I can not separate and after many years of futile struggle no longer wants to separate.